Laugh It Off

So yesterday was a particularly interesting day. And when I say interesting, I mean less than wonderful. Many of my classmates and friends have been out with the infamous Swine Flu, and I was starting to feel some of the symptoms myself. I had a test I needed to take, two assignments I needed to finish (one of which by 5 p.m.), and I had no time to do any of it because I needed to go to work. On top of it, my mind was fried from the previous couple of days and I had no desire or energy to do any of it. I was having, what I like to call, a classic stress moment.

I’m not trying to complain, here. I’m in grad school juggling work, an acting gig on the side, an extra dance class, and a fiancé who lives an hour away…what else am I supposed to expect? Of course I’m going to have a packed schedule and be stressed! My point is that yesterday, the walls seemed to be caving in…not the best day.

So what happened next only made it worse. I went to the testing center and took the test. After handing it in, I was walking down the stairs when I tripped. Luckily, I only fell down about two or three steps and caught myself with my left foot. However, my right ankle twisted in ways unnatural to the human body and I crumpled to the floor, complete with backpack on, dropping my phone and dance shoes. I was groaning in pain when two guys coming down the stairs behind me came to my rescue and tried to pull me up, but I didn’t have the voice to tell them that my ankle felt like it had been sawed off with a blunt spoon.

I managed to tell them what was wrong, but of course I couldn’t just get back up in a hurry without anyone noticing. Much to my self-conscious horror, I looked up and saw at least seven or eight people gathered on the stairs staring at my pathetic body lying on the floor and my teary face. Great. How embarrassing.

Once everyone but the two guys helping me left me to my shame, I put my game face on, played the “independent-I-can-handle-myself-tough-girl”, and got back up. I slowly applied pressure to my right ankle, declared it merely sprained, and was soon enough on the road again, limping all the way across campus to my car.

Now, I’m not usually one to tell specific personal experiences, so what’s my point to this long and ridiculous story? Well, when I was walking across campus with hints of tears still running down my face, I started laughing...hysterically.

I mean, picture it, here’s this girl who’s having a pretty awful day and to make matters worse, she trips down the stairs and sprains her ankle. How ironic! And what a funny thing to picture! Who trips down the stairs, anyway? And to think of what I must have looked like lying on the floor…and the gaggle of people gawking at me…classic. I have to be honest with myself—it was funny.

What I’m trying to say is that even when situations get pretty bleak and discouraging, we’re still in control of our attitude, and as the saying goes, “Attitude is everything.” So the next time something less than fortunate happens to you, ignore your inclination to groan and complain. Laugh. Laugh it off.

I wouldn’t necessarily say that my day yesterday was a bad day. Less than desirable? Absolutely. But not bad. You just have to look at it the right way. First of all, I’m ok. My ankle’s just sprained. And secondly, now I have a funny story to journal about. And what’s life without a few laughs?

Sometimes, You Just Have To Jump

I’ve talked a lot about choices and how life is full of them. Well, this is no different.

Life. It’s full of choices.

But one of the things I’ve learned recently is that sometimes you have to step a little out into the dark before the light comes. What I mean by that is sometimes we have to choose without the complete assurance that we’re making the right decision.

I think of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when Harrison Ford reaches the “leap of faith.” He has to step out off of a ledge, and it’s only after that he sees the platform. The same thing happens for some of the decisions in our lives, and usually the most important ones (which can be very frustrating).

So why is that? Well, in my opinion (and as I’ve alluded to in past entries) it’s not so much about whether we’re making the right decision, but that we’re making a right decision—we have to be proactive about the path our life is taking. If our fates were predetermined, then sure…we’d have to search for that one right decision. But a choice isn't about searching, it's about doing. We have been blessed with the gift of personal agency and thereby have become the masters of our own destinies. We make the decisions. We travel the paths. We create our own lives.

That’s not to say that we can’t have help or that we aren’t influenced by outside sources. But regardless, we’re here to choose and we have the ability to do it. What a wonderful thing!

But how terrifying, right? That lack of assurance when making a decision can paralyze us with fear (it does me, anyway). It would just be so nice and easy if the consequences of each decision was illuminated before us. However, that’s not how it works. It’s times like these when faith really needs to be applied. Faith in others. Faith in ourselves. Faith in God.

It’s now my opinion that sometimes, you just have to jump. Jump, and have faith that you’ll be able to handle the consequences that follow. Obviously, work out as much as you can—see as far into the darkness as your perspective will allow. But once you’ve done all you can do, don’t hold yourself back from progression with unnecessary fear. Instead, see the jump as an adventure and know that it’s usually you who turns a decision into the right one.

Just A Thought...

My father-figure Cliff wrote this to me in an email. I am so grateful for him and all of his kindness over the years.

“You have to keep in mind that it is entirely up to you what you do…It is your path so remember that all the things you do on your journey are important and they don't always fall in the time frames or plans of others and that is o.k. because it is not their road to follow.”

I think sometimes we just need simple reminders that we’re all living different lives and we shouldn’t expect our “journey” to go the same way or at the same pace as others. Every life is beautiful because it belongs to one particular person—we each write our own story and that’s what makes it so special.

Fear Not!

Have you ever thought about fear? Real fear? I’m not talking about fear of spiders or snakes, but rather the deeper fear of failing, rejection, and/or the unknown.

Hmmm….

With all of the changes going on in my life at the moment, fear has been a nagging companion; you don’t want it there, but it sticks around and interrupts your thoughts at the worst moments. It just wont leave you alone!

But really…what do we have to be afraid of? What is there to fear in the first place? I just think about all of the good things in my life and sometimes I wonder if my fear comes from focusing on the wrong things. How often do we look at the glass half empty rather than half full? I’ve seen firsthand in my life that the more I trust in the Lord, the less I fear. And no matter how cliché this sounds, somehow it always seems to work out. What can I say?—I like to think of myself as an optimist.

Confidence. Courage. Easier said than done, right? Perhaps. But if nothing else, we just have to remember that fear is not a necessary emotion. Faith comes from God while fear comes from the adversary. The two—fear and faith—are antitheses of each other and there is no room for one when the other is present. So really, we have a choice…which do we wish to follow?

Ha! No competition there.

The Joy of Choosing

I’ve realized more and more lately just how much our lives are composed of decisions—one after the other. Cereal or yogurt? Jeans or shorts? Blue or green shirt? Drive or walk? Hair up or down?

And then, of course, there are the more complicated choices that drive us absolutely mad, and it gets to the point where if you don’t make a decision fast, you’ll just get more and more confused. Sometimes you get so confused that you act impulsively hoping to escape the fog and to find clarity. Not that you don’t have reason to act the way you did, but you made the decision without really figuring out if it’s what you really wanted. Then the hard part comes a day or two later when things start setting in, including doubt, and you spend half of your time torturing yourself over whether or not your decision was right or wrong.

See, for the most part, there is no right or wrong. As one of my favorite high school teachers Miss Tripp once said, “Change is neither good nor bad sometimes. It is just different.” I know a lot of people who sit there waiting for someone else to tell them what to do, including God. Well, first of all, God expects us to make our own decisions; we choose our own path and He’ll make sure we don’t get too far off the straight and narrow. So in life, when we’re faced with a difficult choice, it’s not that there is a particular right or wrong, black or white. No. Instead, we have a myriad of colors displayed before us and we just have to pick which one we want to deal with.

My personal problem (as I’m sure it’s the same for most people) is understanding what it is that I really want, and then finding satisfaction in the decision I’ve made. This is a quote from an email I sent to my DKVs (three of my high school friends), “And oh how I'm bitter! Bitter and angry. Not with anyone in particular, just at the situation in general and myself for not being able to be happy with the decision that I made. Why can't feelings just be so clean-cut and clear!?!?"

I’ve always compared life to being at a train station. Imagine yourself on a platform and you have plenty of different trains to choose from. For the most part, it doesn’t matter which train you choose to take because most of them are going to the same place…it’s just about how you’re going to get there. How many stops? How many train changes? It’s like goal setting. The journey is a long one, so you have to break it up into different parts. Everyone chooses a path that suits their needs (the fastest route, the scenic route, etc.). So you set a goal and you work to reach it. Once you’re there, it’s time to set a different goal, or to choose a different train.

So you choose a train to your liking. Maybe it’s a really comfortable train. Maybe you like the people on it. Maybe it’s the fastest one. Who knows, who cares, it’s different for everyone. Well, the train makes its first stop and you find yourself with a decision to make. Do I stay on this train or do I find another one?

You decide to change trains, so you make your way to the platform and start looking around at your options. Perhaps you spend a significant amount of time at the station. Perhaps you find a new train right away. That’s up to you.

And after doing this time and time again, you might find that one time, you got on the wrong train and have to backtrack. Or maybe you were lucky and got on a train with more benefits than others. Whatever happens, each train you take gives you new experiences to learn from and, hopefully, brings you closer to your destination.

The analogy can go on and on, and you can take it whichever way you like. But all in all, we’re here on this earth to learn for ourselves by making countless decisions day after day. We just have to realize that our lives are not controlled by some predetermined Fate, but overseen by a loving Heavenly Father who has blessed us with our own agency and who wants us to choose for ourselves. And if we keep our hearts open to Him, He will never let us go astray. We ask for His help (as we daily should do!), but it is up to us to make the initial action!

The Great Man

What makes a “great” man? Quite similar to my previous topics, but a slightly different question.

For me, I hope and pray that who we are is measured less by how much we stay on the horse, and more by how hard we try to pick ourselves back up when we fall off the horse. Everyone messes up. We all fail sometimes. That’s a given. We weren’t sent to this earth to fail, but to learn, and we learn by falling down and scraping our knees.

I was thinking about this extensively at work yesterday…just the idea of what makes a “great” man. I’ve heard a lot of different definitions from people, and though I can appreciate and understand most of them, I found my explanation and view to be much more simple. What makes a “great” person is the effort he or she puts into life. We all come from different backgrounds and have different experiences, so no one can really be measured on the same plane…we’re different. And we’re supposed to be different. It’s not about how much better I am than my neighbor, but rather how much better I can become than the person I am today.

This is all a bit scatter-brained, I know. But my point is that often we attribute our worth to things that are, in the end, not fairly measured because we’re comparing ourselves to other people. In my opinion, our worth and beauty as a person comes from the effort we put into making our own personal lives more meaningful. The drive we have to face challenges with a positive attitude. The determination we have when we’re at our lowest to get back on our feet and to keep going, no matter how painful or impossible the road. The faith we have that if we do all that we can do, the Lord will make up the rest. The gratitude we have for all of our experiences in life. The ability we have to learn from each fall we take and each scrape we get so that we can turn around and help others through their own journeys in life.

That’s what makes a great man. It doesn’t matter if he’s the 50-year-old CEO of some large corporation or the teen-age retail worker at the local Walmart. We all have the opportunity to show our true colors and we all have the potential. It’s just up to us to choose what happens when we fall off the horse.